


Symbiont

by emberwing



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Autistic Chara, Autistic Character(s), Autistic Frisk, Gen, Sharing a Body, Spoilers- Neutral and Pacifist Routes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2016-04-29
Packaged: 2018-05-02 01:46:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5229209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emberwing/pseuds/emberwing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's nice to have someone looking out for you in a new place. You could do without all the back-sass though.</p><p>AKA Frisk and Chara Share A Body And The Resulting Disaster Thereof.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It hurts, but not as much as you think it should. 

There’s sunlight over your head, a narrow shaft beaming down from a tiny pinprick in the cavernous ceiling overhead. It’s not much, but it seems to be refracted around anyway by the golden flowers you’ve landed on. You haven’t moved yet, a little scared that when you decide to a broken bone or two is going to make itself known, but you can see the flowers out of the edges of your vision. The velvety petals tickle the bare skin of your arms.  


You lie there. You breathe. You twitch a few fingers and wonder why you’re still here.  


This was a bad idea.  


What is…who…I-I don’t understand, I-  


You jerk in surprise, sitting up and looking around wildly. The moment you move the voice stops. You could have sworn you were alone. You _are_ alone. Save for the small carpet of flowers you’re sitting in your surroundings are small, plain, and grey. Somewhere, water drips.  


Maneuvering shakily to a stand, you hold out your arms and inspect them. Shake out your legs. Feel around your head. Nothing is broken. You aren’t even bleeding. There might be a few bruises, but nothing to suggest you have fallen down a long, long way.  


Casting a last glance around, you make for the one tunnel leading out of the cavern and follow it to an arching doorway. Manmade. Weird. It’s too tall and dark for you to see the carved designs properly. You move on.  


There is a flower.  


“Howdy!”  


You aren’t imagining _this_ voice.  


“I’m Flowey! Flowey the flower!”

♡

You don’t hear the voice again until Flowey is in the middle of his helpful introduction to the Underground. Not everything he’s saying is entirely sinking in- most of your attention is fixed directly in front of you. Your soul floats outside your chest, the size of your palm and pulsing to the beat of your heart. It is bright and cherry red, vibrantly glowing. It’s the most transfixing thing you’ve ever seen. You reach a hesitant hand for it and watch your fingers intersect and pass through it, like it isn’t there. There’s a slight buzzing in your fingertips when you do it though. It feels nice.  


MOVE!  


It booms so suddenly and urgently in your ear that you jump in surprise. Your soul skitters left and the pellets miss, whizzing past and dissipating against the wall behind you.  


You whip your head around to find it, and once again nobody comes. Flowey is looking neither impressed nor like they heard anything.  


“Hey, buddy, you missed them. Let’s try again.”  


You eye the approaching pellets. This time you deliberately sidestep them.  


“Is this a joke?” Flowey demands. “Are you brain dead? RUN. INTO. THE. BULLETS!” You stiffen the same time Flowey realizes his slip-up. He’s faster than you- you don’t get out of the way in time. You cry out as the magic rips into your soul, stumbling to your knees in pain and surprise. Where did this come from- why-?  


“DIE!” the flower crows, face contorting into a hideous maw of laughing teeth as a ring of spinning bullets close in on your soul. It bobs left, right, up down, frantically tries to find an exit that isn’t there. Sound bubbles up in your throat, strangled and desperate.  


“Help!” you cry out into the dark.  


Your soul strengthens.  


The bullets disappear.  


Flowey… stops. He looks as taken aback as you are. Then, fire slams into him, tossing him up by the roots with a shriek and flinging him into the dark edges of the room.  


You blink up at the thing that takes his place. Eyes trailing up, you find a cow woman looking down at you. Or maybe she’s a goat. It’s a little hard to tell. Her gown is worn and the fabric was probably a deeper purple a long time ago, but she smiles at you. You smile back, meeting her eyes for a moment before dropping your gaze. “Do not be afraid, my child. My name is Toriel.” Part of you expects this to be a trick, like Flowey was, that the fire she used to so casually toss the golden flower aside will target the red heart still bobbing in front of you.  


A bigger part of you wants to trust her.  


You push yourself to your feet the brush bits of grass off your pants. Your soul fades from sight and you can only assume it’s back where it’s supposed to be, wherever that is. Pressing a palm to your chest and feeling the thump-thump of your heart, you follow Toriel deeper into the mountain.  


The shadow of the Ruins looms above and you take a deep breath. You are filled with determination. 

♡

She is gone, yes? You’re alone?  


Toriel has indeed left you. After walking you through some puzzles, setting you up against a dummy (neither of you were much for conversation), and handing you an ancient flip phone that has the approximate mass and durability of a brick, she went off to “attend to some business”. It’s a bit of a relief, honestly. She’s nice, but you need space to take all this in. You also want to actually try some puzzles- you’re not a baby. Being on your own is familiar territory. Though, you don’t seem to be alone anymore.  


You twist around, searching. You don’t really expect to find anything. This time, however, you do.  


They’re standing a few paces behind you, feet set apart and arms crossed. If it wasn’t for their head obscured by blooming golden flowers you’d say they were a child not much older than you- certainly they’re a few inches taller. They’re a little hazy, like there’s a dusty filter between you.  


“Who’re you?”  


You can’t see anything of their face, hair, or neck, but you get the impression they’re rolling their eyes anyway. If you squint you can see a single red glint shining out of the black underneath the petals.  


Try thinking at me, they suggest impatiently. I don’t think anyone else can see me and you’re gonna look stupid talking at nothing.

You’re not really sure what they mean by that, so you just kind of think **WHO ARE YOU** as loud as your can.  


They twitch backwards. You don’t have to yell it, sheesh.  


**Sorry?**  


Their head tilts. You can’t see any eyes, but they’re pretty obviously scrutinizing you. You shift uncomfortably. There is a long pause.  


**I’m Frisk,** you offer, because they don’t seem like they’re going to say anything, and stick out a hand. This is the polite thing to do when you meet new people, you remember, adults like it when you do this. You have to be reminded sometimes. _(Don’t be rude, child, say hello to the nice man.)_  


Frisk, they repeat, like they’re testing the letters out in their mouth, a little sour and uncertain. Greetings. They reach out a hand that looks as skin and bone as yours, but when you move in for the handshake they pass right through each other.  


The initial surprise wears off after a second (meeting Flowey and Toriel and monsters may have maxed out your ability to be surprised for the day) and you take a step forward and move your hand through their arm.  


Hey! Stop that! They jump back and snap their arm back to their chest.  


**Sorry. What kind of monster are you? Are you a ghost?**  


A what.  


**A ghost!**  


I’m- I’m human.  


**You don’t look human.**  


Wow, Frisk. That’s, like, species-ist or something. Humans come in all shapes and sizes. If you can’t wrap your head around that I can’t wait to see how you handle monsters.  


Then… you frown at the gold flowers covering their head. You wonder if they’re growing out of their face. **Does that hurt?**  


Does what hurt?  


**You know- the things!** You make a sort of scratching motion at your cheek. **Flowers!**  


These…? They mirror your gesture, rubbing a petal between their fingers. Mostly they seem confused about why you’re confused. They’re fine.  


**Are you a human ghost?**  


Isn’t it obvious? They snort derisively. It’s not really a yes or a no. You don’t know if they’re avoiding the question.  


**Why are you following me?**  


I can’t _not_ follow you, idiot, the child sneers.  I don’t know what you did, but you sure did it.  


**Uh…what did I do?**  


I don’t KNOW! They’re starting to look frazzled, their arms sweeping wildly. You fell, I woke up, whatever you did I don’t- I don’t remember- how did I get here? Frisk, how did I _get here? WHAT DID YOU DO?_  


You stumble back, breath stuttering in your own throat as the child advances. Black is dripping out from under the flowers, staining their green striped shirt darker. Whatever they are, they're incorporeal, they can't touch you (you hope), but there's a rising panic in your chest anyway. 

You open your mouth and blurt out in both thought and voice **"Do you remember your name?"**  


They freeze in place, and you wonder if that wasn’t a great subject switch after all.  


Your phone rings. The kid disappears from sight. You’re glad for the change in pace.  


“Hello? This is Toriel. You have not left the room, have you?”  


“Uhh…nope.” You’ve definitely left the room.  


After you’re finished lying to Toriel’s face you press on, the purple stone rising all around you.  


You feel a kind of tug in your chest, like someone yanking your sleeve.  


Chara. My name’s Chara.


	2. Chapter 2

Dealing with the monsters is a learning curve. Much like Flowey and Toriel, none of the monsters you run into seem to know Chara is there. You, however, are all too aware since they keep offering up commentary you didn’t ask for and advice you think is kind of stupid.  


Toriel chased the first one away, a Froggit Chara calls them, but the next time it happened you were alone and when you saw the bullets surrounding your soul you both cried out and struck. The stick you’ve picked up along the one hit once, twice, and the Whimsum had…fallen apart seems like a good word for it. You dusted it, Chara had commented quietly. You couldn’t read the tone of their voice. You’re not sure what you felt as you looked at that little pile of white.  


Chara continues to flat out snarl whenever a monster startles you, bristling with vicious aggression and a background mantra of kill or be killed beating in your skull, but the second time you tried talking, like Toriel suggested. After complimenting the Froggit, it had simply… hopped away.  


There’s dust on your stick and a bit on your hands, but the further into the Ruins you go the more you find that there’s a way to spare every kind of monster. It becomes almost fun, like a puzzle, and even Chara’s begun to not startle so hard every time magic bullets come whizzing your way. Actually, they’ve started actively suggesting actions to try.  


They didn't suggest flirting, though. That one’s all on you. What a meaningful conversation,/span> Chara observes dryly, and you extend the ‘battle’ for another two turns before sparing Moldsmol, wiggling your hips and rocking back and forth on your toes all the way.  


You pull levels and you fall down holes. You try not to shudder as a crowd of spiders deposit a rubbery “Spider Don’t” in your hand and coerce a rock into moving. Chara seems to recognize a lot of the monsters, and you find out that if you ask them for clarification Chara will give it. For someone who doesn’t remember anything before an hour ago they sure seem to be familiar with the Ruins. (You’re not sold on Loox’s family name being “Eyewalker”.)  


**Why do you keep on calling this place ‘Home’? Did you live here?**  


Because that’s what it’s _called_? Don’t ask stupid questions.  


**Toriel calls them the Ruins though.**  


Then Toriel is wrong. It can happen.  


Said goat-cow-monster calls up once in a while (“Butterscotch”, you tell her at the same time Chara insists “Cinnamon!”), and since she called first you return the favor along the way to ask about her. (Teachers saying that you shouldn’t go with or talk to strangers rings in your mind; obviously the solution is to talk to Toriel until she is no longer be a stranger.)  


Frisk.  


**Yeah?**  


They don’t actually answer, so after you pull the red switch you turn to face Chara directly. It’s kind of hard to tell which way they’re looking, but you’re pretty sure it’s not at you. You wait. Seeming to decide something, they straighten and rise to their full height, chest puffed out. I dare you to phone Toriel and call her Mom!   


**Okay.**

You flip open the phone and dial the number. Apparently, this throws Chara for a loop. They’re making confused, embarrassed noises, like they want to stop you maybe but are too proud to say it. What, did they think you wouldn’t do it? You like Toriel too.  


“Hello? This is Toriel.”  


“Hi Mom!” Chara clutches at their (presumed) face and makes a distressed sort of keening sound, but there’s a red glow peeking out between a gap in their fingers, and they’re not really making any real attempt to stop you.  


Toriel seems as thrown as Chara. “Would that make you happy? To call me “mother”?”  


You nod, remember she can’t see you nodding, and chirp out an “uh huh!” Chara groans.  


“Well then, call me whatever you like!”  


“You got it.” There’s a sound rather like a kitchen timer ding-ing over the phone. You get a terrible idea. “Hey, Mom, did you just come out of the oven?” You add a wink Toriel can’t see but Chara certainly can. “Because you’re _hot_!”  


“Oh- oh my,” Toriel sounds like she’s trying really hard not to laugh, and a bit of humiliation is one hundred percent worth it for the horrified screeching coming out of Chara.  


Frisk! Oh my god!  


**Worth it,** you declare as you and Toriel wrap up the conversation.  


I’m gonna kill you!  


The sound of your cackling echoes off the towering stone corridors.

♡

Oh shit!  


The volume and content of their exclamation startles you. You think they’re talking about the view at first, which is kind of cool, but no. When you turn your head to check on them Chara’s focus is solely fixed on a small plastic thing on the ground.  


Frisk! Frisk, get over here and pick this up!  


You obligingly pick up the toy knife- as long as you’re stuck together you might as well indulge them. You’re not sure what there is to get excited about here.  


**It’s not even a real knife…?**  


It’s the thought that counts, doesn’t it? Besides, plastic is a rarity nowadays.  


You’re not that excited, you like your stick better. You’ve been dragging furrows in the leaves with it, and it making nice whistling noises when you swing it. When you swing hard enough you can feel the vibrations of it in your grip. It’s a nice weight too, a rough texture against your palm. When not puzzle solving, dodging, or asking about monsters and listening to the resulting commentary, you’ve quickly taken to swinging it around and tossing it from hand to hand.  


Wanting to keep a hand free, you _stick_ it in your inventory (Chara snorts) and examine the toy knife in closer detail.  


It’s equally as underwhelming up close. The most interesting thing about it is the tip of the ‘blade’, which looks like it’s been chewed on pretty thoroughly.  


You swing your arm around a bit, because you get the feeling that’s what Chara would be doing, if they had their own body. You don't say that, though. Chara probably won’t appreciate outright pity.  


It doesn’t make cool whistling sounds.  


**It’s weird seeing this whole underground city that no one even knows about,** you comment, turning your attention back to the buildings sprawled out far below the outlook you’re standing on.  


This isn’t even the whole Underground, Chara says proudly. We don’t know _how_ big it is yet.  


You think that over for a bit. You can’t see all of Home, but looking out over it you get the sense it’s about half the size of your town. Maybe a bit more. Light is shining down in little rays from holes on the ceiling, but even as you watch they’re fading. It must be getting dark outside.  


Something isn’t quite right, though. You can’t put your finger on it, and you get the feeling Chara’s thinking it too, otherwise they’d probably be urging you onward. They’re kind of impatient. You wish they’d slow down a little. It's not like you're able to know puzzle solutions beforehand.  


This isn’t right. Chara has reappeared at your side, staring out over that sea of buildings with unease written in the curve of their stance and the twitch their fingers make for the cheap, plastic knife gripped in your hand. It’s empty. Why is it so empty?  


Ah- _that's_ it. The silence. Even the smallest of villages should have more people roaming around, right?  


...  


Frisk, what's the date?  


You tell them.  


Chara doesn’t answer. When you look around you don’t see them, but you know they’re still around. Their presence is like a little nub in the base of your skull. They’ve just…retreated, is a good word for it you suppose.  


You contemplate the deserted city for another moment before turning back the way you came. The Plastic Knife is held in a white knuckle grip.

♡

When you stumble on Toriel’s house, you’re afraid in a split instant she’ll be mad at you for leaving- for dusting a monster, you’ve tried to wipe it off your hands and it’s just left a white streak on your shirt- but all she does is heal your scrapes and bruises with a touch of her hand (paw?) and leads you excitedly into her home. You jump when she takes your hand, but you let her tug you along- the fur’s soft and the rough pads warm. It doesn’t feel altogether bad, and -oh wow, that’s butterscotch and cinnamon you’re smelling, isn’t it?  


“This is it…” Toriel’s saying. “A room of your own. I hope you like it!”  


You blink for a moment, sure you misheard. Toriel’s beaming down at you, though and that is…that is certainly a door.  


“You didn’t have to do all this for me…” you mumble, shifting uncomfortably.  


“I’m happy to do it, my child,” Toriel insists, ruffling your hair. Static electricity from her fur makes it stand up a little. She runs off when she claims to smell something burning (you can’t, but maybe monster noses are more sensitive), and you reach for the door handle like it might bite you.  


You peek inside.  


It’s…wow. It’s big. You step inside fully and feel Chara looking around as well. The entire house large and painted a soothing yellow that’s easy on the eyes and, well, ‘home-y’, but the idea that Toriel’s sectioned off a whole area just for you…  


They’ve been pretty quiet since the ledge, but now that there’s something new to do Chara is back in full force.  


Ha! Check out these cool toys! Wow, you aren’t interested at all. Look at these- hey, are you _crying?_  


No. You’re not. You’re tired and breathing and in a room the size of your mom’s entire apartment and there’s apparently pie in your future, but you’re not crying. Not technically. Everything is catching up on you all at once, and you just feel tired and spent.  


You swallow past the lump in your throat with difficulty and climb under the heavy quilted covers. It’s so warm.  


Jeez, forget I said anything! You crybaby types are all the same. They fall silent, but you can see them standing beside the bed with arms crossed and tapping one foot impatiently. You turn over, rubbing the quilt between your palms.  


Come _on_ , Frisk, get up. I can’t go where you aren’t. I gotta snoop!  


**Chara. I’m tired. Play with those toys or something. Quietly.**  


I can’t _touch_ , the toys, remember? And if I could I’d be throwing them at you right now, not playing with them.  


You pointedly pull the covers over our head and don’t answer. A few minutes pass.  


So, what, you’re actually tired?  


Silence.  


I guess we can explore in the morning, Chara relents with a grumble. They don’t speak again.  


At some point you fall asleep. 


	3. Chapter 3

Your rumbling stomach propels you out of bed when you wake up- something smells really good.  


Oh my god, you’re finally up, Chara says, which pretty much immediately dispels the initial notion that yesterday was a dream. They’re lying stomach down on the carpet, chin resting on their folded arms and staring intently at a single slice of steaming butterscotch-cinnamon pie. If they had eyes they’d probably be cross-eyed right now. Eat this right freaking now.  


Well, you’re not going to say no to that. You sit yourself down and bring a tentative forkful to your mouth. Then you eat another. It’s got butterscotch enough to melt teeth, which is just how you like it, and the creamy texture is heaven on your tongue. You are also completely ravenous and the slice is gone in seconds.  


Chara’s gone from the floor, standing rather pointedly beside the door. You’re not sure if you missed them getting up and walking there during the feeding frenzy or if they can just choose to be in a spot, like how they can appear or disappear as they wish.  


**Can you walk through walls?**  


You’re really sold on this ghost thing, aren’t you.  


**It makes the most sense. What do _you_ think you are?**  


They’re suddenly in front of you, too fast to track, head shoved so close yellow fills your vision. Y O U R W O R S T N I G H T M A R E!  


You freeze.  


They hold it for a few moments, waiting, before wilting and pulling back. Their flowers even seem to droop. You’re no fun.  


**I’m oodles of fun** , you counter after discreetly remember how to breathe. Standing and picking bits of flaky pie crust off your shirt, you move around to give ~~your~~ the room a better inspection. There’s a drawing of a golden flower stuck on the wall above the shoes. A small chill runs down your spine- you aren’t the first. It explains the speed at which Toriel set this up…  


Come oooon, Chara urges, back to waiting at the door. You slept for HOURS.  


**That’s supposed to happen,** you comment amusedly, taking your sweet, deliberate time across the room.  


Chara sniffs. Well, it shouldn’t. I was VERY bored.  


**You don’t sleep?**  


Didn’t feel sleepy, they say dismissively.  


The hallway’s empty when you poke your head out, so you hang a left. The next door down’s pretty clearly Toriels when you open is and you make to leave, but your legs seem to lock for a split second and you almost fall on your face. Oh no you don’t! If she didn’t want you snooping around she shouldn’t have invited us in. Mi casa es su casa and all that jazz.  


You frown and kick one leg. It moves as it should. Weird.  


Toriel’s room isn’t actually all that interesting. She likes plants and writes a lot pf puns apparently. Truly the most tsundere of plants, Chara tells proudly you about the cactus in her corner. Suddenly you’re wondering if there isn't a way to swap out your backseat-stabber with someone else.  


The next room’s locked (“Room Under Renovations”). You’re ready to turn back around and explore further, but you catch your reflection out of the corner of your eye and pause. It’s you!  


You don’t look your best.  


You can’t see Chara reflected back at all, but that doesn’t surprise you at this point.

♡

There hadn’t been any real way to sneak past Toriel, so you’d just sucked in a breath and gone for it. Now having escaped to the kitchen, you sag against the wall. She's going through so much trouble for you…schooling, the room…she said she was glad to have you here, and maybe she is. But you’re new. You’re just a novelty. Toriel’s going to get tired of you soon enough.  


You should just leave.  


Holy Toledo, is that the rest of the pie? You look up. That is indeed the rest of the pie sitting pretty on the counter.  


You should eat it.  


The size of the pie intimidates you too much to eat it.  


Lame! Come on, have a bite.  


**Toriel didn’t say I could.**  


The whole reason she baked it is because your dumb butt fell down here! Ask her if you’ve really got to.  


**I don’t want to both her. She’s got other stuff on her mind.**  


Oh my god! Frisk! You're literally all thats on her mind right now- she’s rearranging her LIFE around you! She’s got time to say “yes”.  


You don’t say anything.  


Do it for _me_ , Frisk. Their voice turns syrupy sweet. Do it for the poor soul attached to _your_ poor soul that can’t taste even the faintest of cinnamon goodness without you shoving that entire pie down your cake-hole.  


**No.**  


Do it!  


**No!**  


Chara lets out a frustrated roar. You take a step backwards, but your arm flinging itself forward jerks you off balance and you almost lose your balance on the tile floor. You stare in wide eyed shock at your arm. You didn’t do that.  


There is a long, terrible pause.  


**Oh no.**  


Oh _YES_.  


You give a small cry before clenching your jaw shut as you feel Chara trying to take control, to slip inside your skin and move your arms and legs, to push you out and settle down. It feels slimy, it feels wrong. You lock your body, tensing against Chara’s attempts to move it.  


“Is everything all right in there, my child?” Toriel calls from the living room.  


“Fine!” you hiss back through gritted teeth.  


**Chara, stop it! This isn’t funny!** You’re shaking between the combined efforts, your fingers gnarled and tendons popping.  


Chara just pushes harder. You feel sweat beginning to bead on your forehead. You start to push back.  


**Chara.  
**

**Chara, stop.**  


**Stop it!**  


**Get out, Chara!**  


**I said GET OUT!**  


You shove Chara out and see the actual effect as they stumble and fall on their back. You’re breathing very hard. Taking a shaky breath, you stand straight and let your arms fall to your sides. **Don’t do that again,** you spit and march out of the kitchen.

♡

You focus on keeping your stance nonchalant and your face relaxed as you check around the living room, but inside you’re seething. Chara has the good sense to not show themselves, or even say anything. They’re probably sulking more than they’re feeling guilty.  


You don’t feel very composed at all, but Toriel doesn’t seem to notice anything is wrong. You think? You can be pretty bad with telling what people are thinking. Toriel’s face isn’t exactly human either, so picking her expressions apart might be harder as well.  


The bookshelf in this room seems more dedicated to history, though you can see the book Toriel’s currently holding is about snails. She doesn’t stop you when you slip one off the shelf, so you briefly skim. It’s an account of monster history- the section you open to is talking about what happened after they were sealed. _‘Far, far into the earth we walked, until we reached the cavern’s end. This was our new home, which we named…”Home”._ ’  


You’ve learned a little about the war in class. Your teachers talked of fearsome monsters with teeth and claws, but none you’ve seen in the Ruins have really struck fear into your heart. You swung your stick at them a few times, sure, but and the farther you went the clearer it was you could find better solutions.  


Mm, scratch that, actually. Flowey. But then, Flowey also didn’t look scary. At first.  


Toriel’s not so discreetly been watching you poke around from her chair, fondness and delight in her eyes, and it just cements your thoughts. You’re not really doing anything interesting- she’s going to get bored quickly. All this work she’s putting into your staying here...her welcome isn't going to last forever. You should just save her the trouble and go.  


You ask Toriel how to leave the Ruins.  


She deflects the question.  


You’ve had enough of that kind of ambiguity from Chara. You ask again.  


Chara stirs with interest when Toriel abruptly stands up and leaves the room. You don’t want to stay?  


You don't deign that with an answer.

♡

The basement corridor was cold and badly lit. Not so anymore with Toriel’s fire swirling around her.  


Chara is a nub of anxious energy and whispered background mantra of kill or be killed as you try and dodge around the flames. Now that you’re better aware of exactly how you two are connected, you think your emotions can bleed into each other a little. It might explain why you’re so tongue tied right now- Chara’s very much _watching_ , but not so much _speaking_ \- words are coming from their mind, but it’s more of a mindless repetition to drown out everything else, like when the world is too loud and you have to clap your hands over your ears to try and silence it. You think you might also taste betrayal somewhere in there- whether it’s towards you or Toriel you can’t say.  


“Fight me or leave!”  


Searing heat singes your shoulder and you call for Chara, but they just mumble, and it feels like two phrases, emotions, mindsets layered on top of each other (She knows what’s best for you) (You can’t trust _anybody_ ) and they retreat again. For once, Chara has nothing to add- no mockery, no showing off, no advice.  


You strike with the toy knife because you don’t know what else to do. You’re not getting hit anymore and you think it’s probably more Toriel going easier on you, but she still isn’t budging and you still can’t think of an argument for your case. If she won’t let you leave, you’ll MAKE her let you. You expelled Chara from your bones, you can hurt Toriel until she doesn’t want to fight anymore.  


You FIGHT. You FIGHT. You FIGHT.  


She’s weakening so, so slowly, her attacks holding less bite and her posture dipping, and surely, you think, surely _this_ will be the last blow and she’ll step aside. The air is dry with heat as you pant and sweat drips down your back. You aren’t going to survive another hit, but with the fire obviously parting around you now it isn’t going to happen. You throw yourself at Toriel with a choked cry and just drive the stupid, useless toy into her again and again.  


Until she jerks, falling to her knees and almost knocking you over. Scrambling back, you stare in horror.  


The tip of her horns and her fingers are already turning to dust.  


“You are stronger than I thought…”  


What did you _do_?  


“If you go beyond this door, keep walking as far as you can. Eventually you will reach an exit.”  


Frisk, what did you DO?  


“Asgore…do not let Asgore take your soul…”  


Chara is a howling inferno in your skull.  


“Be good, won’t you?” She is still looking at you with fondness in her eyes when she smiles. “My child…”  


Her body falls to dust and you scream.  


Toriel’s white monster soul shakes for a few moments before that too shatters.  


**Oh my god.** You fall to the floor in front of her dust and reach shaking hands for it. **I didn’t mean it, oh my god, I- I killed her, I-**  


_HOW COULD YOU?!_  


Tears blur your vision as you shake. **I just thought, I thought if I hurt her enough she’d see I’m too much trouble and she’d let me leave!**  


You shake and shudder as your breathing hitches and Chara wails. The way forward is cleared but you didn’t mean it, you didn’t mean for this to happen and it isn’t fair! It isn’t fair and it isn’t RIGHT.  


You REFUSE.  


Everything goes dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact I accidentally killed Toriel my first time but didn't load a save or reset because I figured it was good punishment for murdering goatmom
> 
> APRIL UPDATE: soooo it's been literal months. 4? Yikes. The good news if I'm still very much interested in continuing this story! This and the previous two chapters have been updated a lil.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand we're back! Betcha thought I dropped off the face of the earth, didn't you? (I sort of did). Time to fix things and NOT kill goatmom.

You wake up on a bed of golden flowers.

It doesn’t hurt as much as you think it should.

…Frisk?

Chara is sitting cross legged on the flowers in front of you when you push yourself up, red glow under their petals bright in what you’ve come to equate to a ‘wide eyed’ sort of expression.

 **How…did I get here?** You look around. **Isn’t this where I fell?**

Sure looks like it. I say again: I don’t know what you did, but you sure did it.

Silence falls between you. Sunlight cuts through the gray gloom from on high. You don’t hurt like you fell into a mountain, but your head is still pounding, leftover echoes of your panic, Chara’s shrieking, and your combined agony bouncing around your skull. Your senses feel very raw; the flowers feel like they scratch more than tickle right now. You sit up so you don’t have to feel it on your skin.

Chara’s voice is very small. What do we do now?

Hide. Cry. Lie down and never get up again.

**We keep moving forward.**

♡

You evade Flowey as long as you can, but he still traps you. You figure you deserve it anyway. Chara doesn’t think so, Chara’s instinct is urging you to struggle, to fight back, but you’ve played this song and dance before and you know there’s no holes in Flowey’s attack. So, the circle closes in and your soul stands still.

Then he’s being flung away away by a burst of familiar fire and there she is, she’s _here_ , she’s somehow miraculously _here_ -

You throw yourself at Toriel with a wail, wrapping your chubby arms as far as you can get them around her middle and burying your face in her threadbare robes. “Oh my child,” she murmurs, a hand cupping the back of your neck. “It is all right. That creature won’t hurt you anymore.”

You want to tell her you’re sorry, you’re so, so sorry, but all that’s coming out is loud hiccupping hitches of breath. How can she stand to comfort you like this when not even fifteen minutes ago she was dust on the ground?

She gently takes your hand and you let her lead you back into the Ruins.

♡

It’s all happening the same as it did before. You’re back on your own again after Toriel gives you the rundown and it’s all pointing to one single, impossible answer. Chara is all but bouncing off the walls.

Time travel! Chara announces gleefully, all flapping hands and wide-split grin you hear instead of see. They’re walking backwards to face you and just about shaking out of their shoes. Waking up back at the beginning, Toriel not remembering you, the- hey, didn’t you move that gross bandage to your elbow in her house? Now it’s back on your knee! We’re totally in the past! Which was already my future? They spin around in a delighted circle, hands pressing down on the flowers where their cheeks might be. Gah, it’s so confusing! How’d you do it? Frisk, oh my god, do you even know what this means?

You’re sure they’re about to tell you.

We can prank people across time and space! Frisk, we are TOTALLY WITHOUT CONSEQUENCE! Infinite possibilities are before us! I wanna set something on fire!

**Uh, no.**

A fair rebuttal. However, consider this counterpoint: uh, yes?

**NO.** You wrap your arms around your middle, squeeze yourself. Feel the pressure. **That kind of thinking…we killed Toriel, Chara. She was dead and we didn’t know this would happen.**

You’ve never met someone who can scowl with their whole body before. No, Frisk. YOU killed Toriel.

**I got scared! You didn’t help, you just- you just- you made me! You made me panic!**

Chara stiffens, then lowers a little on the balls of their feet, shoulders squared and low like they mean to charge you. Oily black begins to bubble up from under the flowers. I didn’t make you do anything, don’t you DARE try to pin her death on me.

**I didn’t MEAN TO KILL HER!**

Well, it happened anyway!

**You’re the one that’s always for “shoot first, ask questions later”. And don’t think I’ve forgotten about your possession attempt!**

Chara does charge you, then, black dripping from yellow with a streak of red. Your breath stops in your throat- You don’t so much stand your ground as freeze in fear- but Chara doesn’t stop and you squeeze your eyes shut just before they hit you.

You can feel it when they go through you, an angry buzz like a swarm of bees that makes your teeth rattle in your skull.

When you open your eyes again, you don’t see them anywhere. Just feel them as a seething ball tucked in the corner of your brain.

♡

You didn’t pay too much attention to Napstablook the first time around, but you’ve been prompting Chara more for information about everything. Even angry, they can’t seem to stop themselves from showing off.

See, Frisk, this is an actual ghost, Chara tells you. Regards them. Doesn’t look like they have a sense of humor.

“Oh, I’m real funny,” Napstablook counters.

Chara visibly reels. You can hear me?

“And see you…” the ghost

“I told you you’re a ghost,” you say triumphantly as you dodge around Napstablooks tears.

This doesn’t prove _anything_!

You cheer Napstablook as before until he shows you his ‘Dapper Blook’. “Do you like it…”

“It looks bad,” Chara mumbles with your mouth, still petulant and apparently determined to make things difficult for you.

Napstablook bursts into a geyser of tears.

“Aaah! I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” You cry as your soul frantically tried to avoid the barrage of weeping. Chara sniggers at your side, but screeches when they’re also hit. Napstablooks magic is spreading out farther than it did before, not to mention thicker, and Chara’s projection winks out.

_Ow __! That actually hurt!_

**Now you know how I feel.**

It still sort of stings when you get hit, Chara admits. As if on cue, your soul takes damage. I can feel stuff but, but it’s all dulled. That _hurt_! They say it like it’s a novelty more than a bad thing. You just focus on trying to console Napstablook while your soul darts around his magic.

Eventually, finally, he calms down enough to be spared.

 **Nobody else’s magic has hurt you before,** you point out as you check to see if you have enough gold for a Spider Donut, or even a Cider. Your last Monster Candy has just gone into recovering from your ghostly encounter. 

No one’s ever been able to hear me either.

You grin. **It’s because you’re both ghosts.**

Chara lets out a long, drawn out groan. _I am not a ghost._ I’d look like Napstablook if I was wouldn’t I? They pause, perking up in your mind.  Maybe I’m a poltergeist.

♡

I still think we gotta use this to fuck with people. Like, right now. Immediately. So many pranks across time and space, Frisk.

You frown. It seems Chara doesn't stay mad for long, or possibly the entire time travel situation is just more important to them than continuing the silent treatment. **Dying for the sake of pranks doesn’t sound like a good time.**

There’s so many ways for things to unfold depending on what you do. Doesn’t that excite you? You’re already exploring; you just tried threatening a Whimsum instead of encouraging them a few minutes ago!

**Curiosity killed the cat.**

But satisfaction brought it back. Look, Frisk. They stop in front of you and you stop on instinct. You could walk right through them, just like they ran through you before, but they look so solid. You can change things now. Toriel died, but now we’re before. So…so now you have another chance. Infinite chances, if you can replicate this again.

 **…Yeah.** You flex the fingers of your free hand. **Yeah, I do.** You look Chara in the face. It’s actually easier to do than normal because they don’t really have eyes. **We’re gonna leave. And Toriel isn’t going to die.**

Chara keeps going like that as you walk and you sort of half listen, caught between them, your own thoughts, and noting just how eerily same everything is unfolding. You never thought things being predictable would ever make your skin crawl. Trying to think about the why of how and what’s happening just makes you feel confused and headache-y, but it seems to be thrilling Chara to no end.

The Ruins are puzzles you already know the answers to and a route you still remember. It’s almost boring and you go through it all paying only half attention.

Chara’s still muttering snatches of thought and ideas to themselves when you die.

♡

You blink.

There’s a table in front of you with a piece of cheese on it. But you passed this place five minutes ago. How did you get back here? You sway with confused vertigo for a moment before you remember.

Oh. My God.

**I…We…**

That Vegetoid totally killed you! Us? We _died_!

Your hands fly to your chest, patting it as if to check that your soul is still together. You’re fine, totally fine, but you can remember with sharp clarity the loud crack your soul made as it shattered.

You should be dead. You _were_ dead.

I can’t believe you DIED because of a lame-o VEGETOID, Frisk!

**I got distracted,** you say faintly, poking the cheese as if to check you’re really here.

No kidding? Just cause you’re reliving yesterday doesn’t mean you can slack off on the magic dodging.

**Apparently.**

Whatever. Leaf puzzle, take two.

Phantom pain beats in your soul. 

♡

Here’s what you know so far: dying takes you back a bit. There’s probably a pattern to when you end up, but so far it’s never been more than twenty minutes of progress. If you consciously try to go back though, you’re just going to end up at the beginning at the edge of the Ruins.

It’s only now that you’ve made it to Toriel’s home again.

 **Hey, Chara?** You ask as she takes your hand again and leads you inside. They’ve stationed themselves on Toriel’s other side. Like maybe they wish she’d hold theirs as well. **Is Toriel a cow or a goat?**

Wow, I can’t believe you just called her a cow. You’re so rude.

**You know what I mean.**

She’s a monster, obviously.

You give them a look, as best you can. You don’t think they find it very intimidating.

♡

Everything happens as it did before. You fall onto the bed, if possible more worn out than you were last time. Chara points out that you’ve been awake for longer than how much actual time has passed, with a sort of fascinated glee in their voice. You just go to sleep with your cheek on the quilt fabric.

 **We’ll save this for later,** you decide when you wake up and see the slice of butterscotch pie, carefully storing it away. **For when we get out of the Underground maybe.**

Chara doesn’t wholly protest, but you feel their skepticism. Whether it’s about being able to leave or being able to resist not eating the sweet treat for that long, you can’t really say.

You cut straight to the chase this time and ask Toriel point blank about leaving.

Last time you fought her.

This time will be different. It has to be.

This time you will do nothing.

♡

Why do you want to leave?

You’re hurrying down the steps after Toriel, taking them two at a time and hitting the floor of the purple hallway at a run. 

**Because this wouldn’t last,** you answer after thinking it over a moment. You’re only half processing Toriel’s commands for you to turn back. **I’m just new and interesting, that’s why she wants me, but she won’t forever. I’d rather just leave on my own terms, before…** you trail off, leave that sentence hanging.

So…you’re planning to go back to the surface?

**What else would the plan be?**

Chara doesn’t answer, but their unease still permeates your bones.

Toriel makes the same speech when you reach the door, the same pleas. You feel sick as your soul makes that _click-click_ sound which signals the start of a battle. She won’t hit you after a point, you know this from the last time you fought, but it’s still terrifying to see the balls of fire flying all around you. Chara’s a nervous buzz in your brain as the heat sears the air. You grip your stick in a white knuckle grip, refusing to even raise it but rubbing your thumb against its bark, trying to find some calm in that, some courage.

You SPARE. You SPARE. You SPARE.

Toriel stops.

You can almost immediately feel the sweat cooling on your skin as you raise your head. She isn’t looking at you.

“I know what you want to go home, but please… go upstairs now.”

You mutely shake your head.

“I promise I will take good care of you.” But she _can’t_ promise that. Toriel is smiling at you with watery hope, and it’s tempting. It’s so tempting. But you can’t trust her to keep that promise.

Chara is the quietest they’ve ever been. You’ve almost forgotten about them, so stilly they’re watching, nor are they offering any opinions, any distractions or quips.

Seems they’re leaving this entirely up to you.

Toriel lets out a shuddery breath and pulls you to her. You walk into it, clinging at her threadbare robe as her arms encase you. You did it. Toriel’s okay, she’s alive and you didn’t kill her.

Why do you feel so sad?

You don’t watch her walk away. Your mind has been set since she first ushered you into her home, but you’re afraid that if you look your determination will waver.

You push through the doors.

**Author's Note:**

> you can also find me at emberwing.tumblr. com


End file.
